Wednesday, June 14, 2006

How can we bear the weight of the world without robots?

I open the door and Helena collapses against my leg. I look up at J-F; he shrugs. Must've been a rough day at daycare.

She makes no move to make herself at home. Her shoes and sweater stay on. She stays put. I crouch beside her.

Her little body leans into mine, heavy with the weight of the world.

We stay like this for more than 10 minutes. I've dropped to my knees by now, my fingertips still on the doorframe for balance. She isn't exactly hugging me, more like trying to sink back inside me.

Do you want to talk about it? She shakes her head. A deep sigh escapes her, and I think to myself, My god, what have they done to you, what cruelties has the world shown you to age you like this, for you to know already the dark truths of our life, you, so young, is this how it happens, at age 3, you've stared into the abyss.

I'm not sure how the spell was broken, but soon after, we're sitting on the sofa side by side eating raisins. Almost normal.

There's still some sadness in her voice. She tells me — and I don't know if this is the reason for her existential spleen or simply something that happened earlier in the day — A. keeps telling C. that she's not my friend anymore. A.'s not my friend anymore. Because of our house, the things at our house. A. won't be my friend anymore because we don't have any robots.

9 comments:

Lizzie said...

Sheesh, Helena. Do you have to be so Eastern European?

rachel said...

I remember the first time I had that big robotic revelation. I was 26. Helena is a prodigy of angst!

Pearl said...

How wonderful that you can just lean into each other like that. Abyss can happen at any any age. Support too. :-)

Ella said...

O Helena. I do not know if I should laugh or weep.

callie said...

Delicious. The leaning, the raisins, the lack of robots. Much needed perspective for me...on both sides.

Suzanne said...

Poor Helena. I know just how she feels. I'm glad she's still able to get over it quickly...

Stefanie said...

I wish I had robots too, but then I read How to Survive a Robot Uprising and now I am not so sure I want a robot anymore.

mapletree7 said...

Time to get a Roomba.

renee said...

oh, that is the most beautiful blog post I've read this week. This is the truth of life. Thanks for sharing.