Things I've done

As usual, I'm late to the party, which I first heard about at Rachel's, but it's taken me this long to think of ten things I've done that I bet you haven't done, in no particular order:

1. Jumped out of a perfectly good plane from an unreasonable height. Yes, lots of people have done this, but I'll bet most of them didn't do it against their better judgement just because the guys, jumpmaster included, were saying, "You don't have to jump. Lots of the girlfriends back down." Hah. I showed them.

2. Went to see a hip and groovy band a week before my due date. Helena kicked up an in utero storm.

3. Slept in a Dominican brothel (cuz every place else in town was booked solid). Bonus: danced the evening away on the terrace of said brothel while poking fun at the German tourists.

4. Ran full speed into the corner of a picnic table, for which I received six stitches under my right eyebrow (I was four).

5. Agreed to let a guy move in with me after dating him only two months, because there was a bus strike and this seemed like a convenient solution to all our commuting difficulties. (He hasn't left yet.)

6. Delivered a seminar on Pythagorean dualism in grade 11 history after staying up all night and not preparing (my mother was out of town) and had the inspired audacity on this warm spring day to do so barefoot. (A+, with bonus points for my choice of footwear.)

7. Laundered shirts for Huey Lewis and the News before their concert in town that summer I worked for a dry cleaning and laundry service, where, as much as I hated the work, the people, and most especially the heat, I learned the priceless art of folding fitted sheets.

8. Jumped on the back of a guy's motorbike to watch the sun set over the Sahara, only too late realizing I was unwisely separated from my sister, and found myself some time later in the middle of a very dark oasis, where he proclaimed his love for me, and barely found my way back in time to catch the bus (with my sister) back to civilization.

9. Argued vehemently (ultimately successfully) and in both official languages but in an inarticulate, drug-stupored manner, to hospital staff regarding my right to breastfeed my baby in the middle of the night no matter how understaffed they were, if I had to drag my sorry post-op ass all the way to the neonatal unit myself.

10. Spent an evening drinking vodka with a handful of Jesuit priests who were working on a translation of James Joyce's Ulysses (into Polish).

So there.

That I attended a bullfight in Seville didn't quite make the list, as countless old Spanish men have done this (and in many ways the ticket purchase was more colourful, although there were moments during the event I thought to myself, "My God, I'm about to watch somebody die."), even though you probably haven't.