Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Sick, and tired

J-F says I have strep throat. Friday I'd suddenly developed an agonizingly sore throat. My neck ached. Whatever it is, I think it's almost gone now.

I've been meaning to go to a clinic, but what with the hassle of getting to the dentist the other morning and some ongoing, very uncooperative work files, it hasn't happened. (Hmm, going to the dentist with an infectious throat condition probably wasn't very socially conscientious of me...)

This morning, I am plagued with guilt. My baby was coughing, and there was a hoarseness in her voice. How could I be so selfish? Not only was I having trouble finding the energy to care for her properly, I made her sick!

By breakfast time Helena seemed her usual self, so I won't beat myself up too much. Lesson learned.

Helena and I spent much of yesterday fighting. She's never much liked having her face wiped. Ditto her fingernails clipped. (I used to cut them while she was breastfeeding, but the opportunity to exercise that technique has for months not been available.) Yesterday it became a power struggle.

I lost all mommy confidence in my mommy competence. How can I raise a child to have sound morals and a good education if I can't even keep her face clean?! But we made up by bathtime, and I'm pretty sure that we're going to do all right.

I'm really bummed out about Spalding Gray. Death, let alone that of a "celebrity," doesn't generally get to me, so I feel a bit spooked. Not only is death making an impression, but I haven't quite figured out what it is about Spalding Gray I think is so important.

He was profoundly and painfully aware of all the details that make up our existence.

Helena and I had a really good nap together this morning. We don't do that nearly often enough (damn blogging compulsion!).
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